A List of Things That Help and a List of Things that Don't!
What Helps:
Yes,
you're worried about the kids, but remember that getting help and
support for youself is equally important. Getting you stronger will
make your child or children stronger too. Call a friend, a therapist,
your clergy person, attend a support group or contact this town's
Youth Advocate, Kevin Lee.
How's
your "guilt gauge" doing? Who keeps filling up that tank? Chances
are there are several unhelpful people in your life right now. Consider
if you can change your "exposure" to people who make you feel lousy.
Plan
to do something for yourself, then do it! It doesn't have to be big,
just something that relaxes the body, feeds the soul or makes you
feel a little bit saner and safer inside.
If you
are being harassed, verbally or physically, or abused by your former
partner or spouse, his or her family members or even your own children,
you need to get help right away to stop this from happening. Call
the Dartmouth Police and speak with Detective Nancy Thibodeau in the
Domestic Violence Unit, 508-993-3451. For some parents it may also
be helpful to call the New Bedford Woman's Center at 508-996-3343.
(For people visiting this site from outside of Dartmouth, your local
community should have something equivalent.)
Do you
have legal support? Don't overlook the importance of securing legal
counsel or protection.
What
makes you laugh? What makes you smile? When's the last time you arranged
to make whatever it is that makes you happy?
What Doesn't
Help:
Continuously
allowing one or more people to put you down. Feeling that you have
to accept guilt heaped on you by others. If your former partner is
telling you what to do financially or legally, you need to get another
advisor!
Avoid
using your children as spies while they visit the other parent. That
becomes a two-way street. It's also not fair to your children.
Denying
anger. Anger is natural and is an important step in the healing process.
Avoiding
the fact that you may need counseling even more than your children.
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