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Dear Parents,

This section has two parts. Part One contains some things that I think you should be aware of as parents with children and teens using the Internet. Part Two contains listings of useful Internet safety sites so that you can learn more about protecting your child when he/she is online. Also, parents might find it useful to visit Kevin's Online Safety for Teens, More About MySpace and Chat room safety.

Part One

1. For safety reasons, younger children really should not have their own email address. Instead, maintain a “family email address” in addition to having personal ones that parents and teens in your home may use.
    

2. Do you know your teens email address? You should. And be aware that some teens maintain other email addresses that you may not know about. Ask them if they have more than one.
    

3. Pay attention to how much time your teen spends online. They can see their friends at school, talk on the phone later, then chat online with the same friends seemingly for hours. Most of it is just that, chatter. But if they’re online time seems excessive, highly secretive (well, more than “normal secretive,” that is!) take note and have a discussion. Many teens remain online for hours after mom and dad are in bed, which can really hurt their grades in school.
    

4. We often hear “experts” advising parents to keep computers that are online in common areas of the house where they can be monitored. But in reality, especially as wireless networks and laptops become common in homes, that advice just isn’t practical anymore. Besides, do you really want to listen to your teen’s video game music right in your living room? Better to establish a policy where your child knows you reserve the right to stroll past the monitor while they’re online in whatever room they’re in. If the screen goes suddenly black, be suspicious, it may be time to talk. Reassure them that even as you breeze by that you’re not trying to read their online conversations, you just want them to remain safe. If your teen says that they’re only chatting with six friends at once, you’re good, if not confused!
    

5. Know what Internet services your teen is using such as AOL/AIM, Hotmail, MySpace, Yahoo, G-Mail and online diaries. Talk with your teen about their online habits and impress upon them that you’re paying attention! Remind them that if they ever, at anytime, receive an online solicitation for sex, verbal threats, or if someone they don’t know is seeking ways to contact them in person, that they should come and tell you right away. Remember, if your child thinks they’ll be busted for telling you about something like this, they never will tell you! So don’t punish them for telling you! If you determine that the solicitation is real call the police and report it.

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6. We hear lots of concerns about young people finding porn online. But what is seldom mentioned is that some teens, including younger children, actually stumble into porn sites unintentionally because the cookies for it are already on your computer when they turn it on. How? The truth is some adults/parents view porn sites, which is your business as adults. But don’t underestimate your child’s ability to check history, scan cookies and otherwise see where other people were online the night before.
    

7. Know how to setup and control your “parental options” on your ISP, such as Comcast, Yahoo and MSN. Make sure that they’re activated when your computer is on. And Passcode protect these settings too, so that only parents can modify the settings.
    

8. Some parents feel more secure if they run filtering software such as NetNanny, CyberSitter (top rated), CyberPatrol, McAfee, etc. If you do run such programs, talk with your child/teen about why you feel this is necessary. An open dialogue encourages communication and trust.
    

9. Tell your teen that you would like then to read Kevin’s Online Safety for Teens. If you don’t think that they will, print it out and hand it to them!
    
10. The MySpace Uproar: Several years ago it seemed that everyone was concerned about chat rooms, instant messaging and online diaries. While these outlets still cause concerns, now everyone’s worried about MySpace. Here’s what I encourage parents to consider:

1. MySpace is intended for teens who are 14 years of age or older. However, right now there’s no method to actually verify ones age when young people open a new account. Children younger than 14 should not be on it, though in actuality many are. (However, I’ve known twelve year-olds with MySpace accounts who were more responsible than some teens at sixteen.)
2. The vast majority of teens who use MySpace do so appropriately. They chat with buddies, share pics from proms, dates and soccer camp, etc, and share clips of their favorite music. And yes, the concern about online pics compromising their identity is real. But, given the digital camera and camera phone revolution, I’m afraid that this battle is largely lost at this point and time. And some young people do not use MySpace wisely and have gotten themselves into trouble and even into dangerous situations. Please read what I’ve written for teens using Myspace and use it for talking points with your teen. (Then come back please!)
3. The best way parents can learn about MySpace is to open your own account and see how it works. It won’t hurt you, or cost any money, either. Ask your teen if you can add their profile to your “Friends” list. That will shock them! If they refuse, you and your teen need to talk.
4. Be aware that realistically it’s impossible to absolutely prevent your teen from having a MySpace account without you knowing it. If you forbid your teen from having one, they can set one up at a friend’s house or at the library, etc.
5. I’ve worked with a number of teens who have gotten into real trouble with their MySpace account. Again, rather than forbidding them to have one after an incident, it’s more productive to sit down with them and open a new site together, and discuss how they will maintain it more responsibly. Please read Kevin’s piece, “More On MySpace,” which is intended for teens to read.
6. Oh yes, I use MySpace, along with email, as a tool to communicate with many teens I work with and care about every day. You can look at my MySpace profile at: http://www.myspace.com/36343060. Dartmouth residents can always contact me with questions and concerns regarding any of the above topics.

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Part Two

Visit any of the following sites to learn more about Internet safety. My first choice is WiredSafety as it contains current, well organized material for parents, children and teens. My second choice would be BlogSafety by Internet journalist Larry Magid, which also is connected to SafeKids.com and SafeTeens.com. The Cyber TipLine is the nationally recognized place to report cyber stalking and online crimes. It is also an excellent source of information for parents and young people, too.

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